This isn’t about just me anymore

The convicted felon has been in power for a week now.

He is driven to dismantle the government. He and his band of thugs are driven to remove all the protections and safeguards that much wiser men than he have in place to protect the lesser advantaged of us, the minorities, the marginalized citizens of this country.

His ultimate goal is to remove Democracy, the Rule of Law, Ethics, and Hope and proclaim himself the “king” the United States.

Do you think the convicted felon cares about you, America?

He wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire…

The convicted felon is driven by one force. the same force that has driven him since early in his life. POWER and the influence and money that are associated with it.

You are sitting there thinking that you are so very happy that he is coming for all those people that he has told you that are not equal to you. The ones that he says it is ok to hate. You know who they are; the Muslims, the Jews, the Native Americans, the Dreamers, all the People of Color, the people who have married outside their race, the people who have married outside their religion, the families that have biracial children, the families who have children with chronic diseases, the single moms with kids, the “entitled elderly”, The Gays, The Lesbians, all those weird mother fuckers who are part of the LGBTQ group I call my family, just about anyone who doesn’t fit into his collective vision of a sanitized, nice, clean, white, “christian” America. He told you over and over (with the help of elon musk’s money) that these were the people that were holding you back. That it was ok to hate them and to use whatever violence was appropriate to make yourselves feel like better human beings.

Hitler told post World War 1 Germany the same things..

Make no mistake America, you think that the convicted felon is coming for them?

He is coming for you.

Happy New Year…

That being said, I have to be honest. In my heart of hearts I am deeply concerned about what life will be like for many of us after the orange man takes office. Do I think he will declare open season on anyone who doesn’t acknowledge that he is the second coming?

Yes

What happened to you, America?

What happened to the three branches of US government? To the elected officials of those three branches who would sit down across the table from one another and work together to do the People’s business? The officials that would put aside party politics, who could disregard which PAC was putting the most money in their pocket and do what was asked by the People who elected them? The officials who ask “what is best for the country?” Where are the officials who were willing to compromise, negotiate, listen to what their partners across the aisle really had to say?

They are gone. If you aren’t mourning their passing then you haven’t been paying attention…


All of our elected officials have forgotten who they are supposed to be working for.

Us…the People who put them in office. The People who elected them to represent us. We asked them to be our voice, to speak for us in the halls of government. To represent us fairly, accurately and listen to what our concerns were.

It seems that these days that all our elected officials are most concerned about is peddling their influence to the highest bidder for the biggest personal payoff. Does any of this makes sense to you? If not, I’m not surprised. It’s much easier for you to listen to someone who says “he can fix it”, “that he’ll take care of it”. It’s much easier to let someone else tell you what to think.

Bob Dylan once wrote, “You don’t need a weatherman to tell which way the wind blows”

If you’re not anxious. If you’re not concerned. You’re not paying attention. Or maybe you think you’ll be exempt because you’re white, straight and voted for him. Think again.

9. Last Chance High

On my first day of class, it took 2 hours and three buses to get to Moses Montefiore High School from where I lived. I lived on the “East Side”, an all white neighborhood near all the steel mills on the south side where I rarely saw any black people. Mom knew what kind of school Montefiore was and where it was located. I think she was happy that someone else was going to be keeping a close eye on my “incorrigible” ass. She wanted them to fix me.

Nothing in my short existence prepared me for life at Montefiore…

When I got off the bus in front of the school that Monday, A face outside the school yelled “what the fuck are you doing here, cracker?”, “Are you lost, white bread?”, ” You better take your honky ass back south, mother fucker”. It struck me like a bolt of lightning that the black kids in front of the school were talking to me. One of the bigger kids walked up to me and said “what are you doin’ here”? I said “I have to go to school here”. He said” Your cracker ass won’t last one day”. I thought, I don’t know any of these kids, why do they hate me so much? Looking back, I guess that we were all frightened of each other and the other kids viewed my appearance as an invasion of their neighborhood, their homes, their space. And they didn’t like it. I was terrified because I was used to hostility at home but not from perfect strangers. A bell rang, everyone started filing into the school, one of the kids shoved me said” get in there peckerwood, welcome to Monte Fi”. It wasn’t until later that I realized that I would to go to school in one of the most violent neighborhoods on the south side.

Once I got inside the school, the atmosphere changed completely. All chatter stopped and everyone began walking single file against the walls. There was a man with a nightstick standing in the middle of the hall shouting “Eyes forward, no talking, keep moving to your class rooms”. I figured he was a plain clothes police officer. It wasn’t until later that day I found out he was one of the teachers. Every 25 feet of so there was another teacher with a nightstick saying the same things. There were no female office employees or female students at Montefiore. As I walked down the hall, one of teachers who bore a striking resemblance to the famous wrestler Dick the Bruiser shouted “mallo, get your ass in my office!”.

He closed the door on his office and told me to have a seat. He sat down across from me. He began, “My name is Mr. Fitzpatrick. Any where outside the four wall of this office you will refer to me as Mr. Fitzpatrick. If we are here in my office, you can call me Lou. You are in one hell of mess, mister. I’m not sure who you pissed off in the school system to end up here but now you’re my problem. This place is your last chance. If you screw up here, if you cut just one class, you go right to juvenile hall, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars. If you think this place is bad, juvey is ten times worse. Your life is going to be hard here because, in case you haven’t noticed yet, you are the only white kid here. Just being new here makes you a target, being a white kid here puts a bullseye on your back. All the teachers do their very best to protect all the students from harm but we can’t be everywhere all the time. In addition to being one of your teachers, I am your counselor while you are here. How long you are here is up to you. It’s all on your shoulders. If you act up, don’t do the work, they will send your skinny white ass to juvie. If you listen to me, knuckle down and get passing grades you could only be here a couple months. I am here to help you in every way I can but I am not your babysitter and I refuse to be your guardian angel. You are going to have to find a way to make it here, I can’t show you how. You are going to get your ass kicked, several times probably, just because you’re the new kid. You’re going your ass kicked because you’re the white kid too. There are kids here who will take the opportunity to take everything whitey has ever done to them out on you. If you’re not careful, you ‘ll become the Monte Fi punching bag. Watch out for the stair wells, kid. Those are the hardest for the teachers to keep an eye on. Everything you do, all the choices are up to you once you step outside my office today. I am here five days a week. I will help you but how you survive here is all on you. Good luck. Here is your class schedule. I will escort you to your first class. If you are found in the halls without a pass once class has started you’ll be written up”

I never said a word the whole time I was there in his office. I was having a hard time processing everything Mr. Fitzpatrick had to say.

I walked into class and the teacher handed me a textbook and said “take any open desk”. I tried to be as invisible as possible every class. It seemed most of my classes were on the second floor. US History was downstairs. I started down the staircase, I got pushed into a corner on the landing by about 6 kids and the biggest of them grabbed me by the neck and said “gimme your money”. I said I didn’t have any. He said “gimme that ring”. and pulled it off my finger. Yeah, I had forgotten to take that ring off before I left for school, dumb me. He turned all my pockets out while the other kids pinned me against the wall. He said ” As long as you go to school here you got to pay me everyday, cracker or I will kill your scrawny white ass”. He bashed my head against the wall hard enough I saw stars and they were gone. It was over in a flash, probably didn’t take thirty seconds start to finish. Meanwhile, all the other kids just kept walking down the stairs like nothing was wrong. I stuck my pockets back in and walked to class.

At the end of the day as we were leaving Monte Fi, the same kid grabbed me outside and said “bring me money, mother fucker or you’re dead”

I had the long bus ride home to think about how I had gotten here and what my life in the foreseeable future was going to like.

The next couple months became a kind of routine for me. I would go to school, the same group of guys would roust me for money, they would soundly kick my ass and then I would go to class. I think if had gone on too much longer, I would have killed myself. Something happened one day and I am still at a loss as to how I did it. I was going downstairs for US History and the same guys cornered me in the stairwell. Something snapped in me. When they started their normal pushing and punching, I picked the biggest kid in the group, and I hit him as hard as I could as many times as I could. They kicked my ass badly that day. But something changed after that. They didn’t come at me as much or as hard. At the end of my time at Monte Fi, I had more black friends than white much to the consternation of my entire family. I found that they had the same problems I did, that they were just as unsure, just as frightened, just as vulnerable as I was. My black friends taught me so much. Especially about my own family and how wrong they were about black people. Mom as so proud that I had picked up some of their slang and mannerisms. She called me a jive ass.

So I suddenly discovered that I could be a good student. I decided that I was going to do the very best I could while I was there. Much to my mother’s surprise, I got really good grades. I actually liked going to school at Monte Fi! I was there for almost 2 years when Mr. Fitzpatrick called me into his office one day. He said, you know you turn 16 in a few days, right? I agreed. He said well, we are going to have to cut you loose when you turn 16. I said why? He said that the schools special charter only allows for students to stay at Monte Fiore until age 16 then they must return to their local high school to finish school. I asked if they could make an exception, that I wanted to stay there and graduate. He said that his hands were tied and there was nothing he could do. He told me that he had already contacted my local high school and sent them a copy of all my records. He said that I would report to school the following Monday.

I was devastated…

I should have been happy. No more 2 hour bus rides. My new school was 2 blocks from my house. I was terrified to be the new kid again. Then I thought, I can do this and I made up my mind to be a good student at my new high school.

I reported for my first day of classes at George Washington High School. When I went to the office to get my schedule, the secretary said that I would have to meet with my guidance counselor before getting my schedule. An older woman came into the office and said “are you mallo”? She said “my name is Mrs. Klee, come with me”. she took me down the hall to her office. She sat down at her desk and when I went to sit down she said” Don’t sit, you won’t be here long enough”. She said “I have read your record and I feel that we have no place for a delinquent like you here are at Washington. You don’t belong here and never will. My suggestion is that you quit school now and learn to pump gas. I did not waste my time creating a schedule for you, so get out”. I told her that I had been a good student and had gotten good grades at Monte Fiore and could I at least have a chance? She told me to get the hell out of her office.

I had never felt that small in my life. I went home and told my mother what had happened. Her reply was “I am not surprised by anything she said, I agree completely. I don’t want your ass laying around the house now. Get a job, join the army, do something because I am tired of you being a burden”.

Thanks, mom.

It can’t happen here…

I didn’t start my transition until late in life. I was 65 in January of 2015

Barack Obama was president and I watched as he worked diligently on behalf of everyone including people near and dear to my heart, the LGBTQIA+ community.

I have struggled with living in the wrong body since age 4. Some of you may be shaking your heads and asking how I could possibly know I was the wrong gender at that age? How could I possibly know something like that as a 4 year old child? I felt it then just as I feel it now. That my mind and body were always at war with each other. That nothing felt right, fit right, was right. I found an amazing therapist and she helped me see that I wasn’t screwed up, fucked up or broken. So I began my journey.

There seemed to be such an atmosphere of hope during the Obama years, so much optimism about where we were going as a nation. That all changed in 2016 when the orange man was elected.

Which brings me to the title of this blog. In 1935, an author by the name of Sinclair Lewis wrote a book called “It Can’t Happen here”. One might ask, why is the very old book relevant now? He wrote it during Hitler’s rise to power in Germany in the late 1930s. His book, however, told the story of man rising to power in America using the same techniques as Hitler. It’s amazing the parallels that can be seen with Hitler’s rise to power and what is going on in America today. With Hitler, he gave the German people someone to hate, someone to blame all their troubles on, the Jews, the Homosexuals, the Muslims, the Negroes, the Gypsies or anyone who didn’t meet the pure race criteria for Hitler’s plan to make the German people “The Master Race”. He made the German people believe that those people were less than desirable, that they were inferior to the German people, that they didn’t deserve a place at the table that was going to be Germany in the Third Reich. He suppressed and obliterated the Free Press and all Journalism that didn’t tow the Third Reich Line. The Gestapo had free rein to detain, punish, imprison or kill anyone who wasn’t a card carrying member of the National Socialist German Workers party. I’m not sure if Hitler sold Bibles, golden high tops or trading cards. For anyone interested, you can find Sinclair Lewis’ book online at most retailers.

More that half of America watched as he lied about the 2020 election, created insurrection in the Capitol, was tried and found guilty of fraud and deception and most of all rape. And in 2024, they have put him in charge again. Are these people all stupid? No…it’s much easier to live your life if someone else tells what you need to do. Tells you that he can fix anything. Tells that you that your neighbor isn’t as good as you are because you’re white. Tells you hey I’m white, you’re white, I got your back. What about the other half of us who didn’t vote for him? A large part of America decided that they didn’t like either candidate and they chose to stay home on election day. Shame on you all. That’s how Hitler rose to power again in Germany and the orange man is using the Third Reich cookbook to do the same thing here in YOUR backyard.

My goal is to try to tell anyone who chooses to read this what it is like for a 75 year old trans woman living in a very red state and what my fears are for the next four years. I plan to finish my backstory as well. Even if it is from a ghetto in Warsaw.

8. The summer of ’63

In June, the sisters of St Francis washed their collective hands of me when I graduated from St George. Their dedicated work to make me see the error of my ways and show me my place among god’s chosen failed miserably. I gave up asking for god’s help that summer knowing that he had turned a deaf ear to someone as screwed up as I was. My Dad was still MIA and I KNEW it was because of me. Whenever I would ask mom about him she said he was overseas and couldn’t get any leave time.

I was never a participant in school, I avoided group activities like the plague because I just never seemed to fit in. I was the round peg in the square hole. I was never allowed to do any extracurricular activities. I wasn’t athletic or good at any sport. I didn’t make a lot of friends in school because the guys and the girls thought I was weird. I had one friend John who had a paper route and every day after school I would help him with that. It was so odd because we could go hang out in his basement after school and for some reason his mom seemed to like me. It was John who inspired me to learn to play guitar. He started taking lessons at this very cool music academy on Ewing avenue and had this gorgeous guitar that sounded so amazing. I asked mom if there was some way I could take lessons like John and she said she didn’t have any money. So I did odd jobs and saved some money and bought a guitar ($18.50) from a place called Sears and Roebuck (yes, you could buy just about anything from their catalog back then). It came with a case and a book called the Mel Bay Primer for guitar. I was in love from then on. I taught myself how to play and read music. Playing guitar probably saved my life several times. I didn’t need friends or family… I could get lost in my guitar all by myself. One time, I went with John to his guitar lesson just to look around. I was just blown away with the beautiful instruments that all the kids my age had. I just kept playing my old Silvertone and worked at getting better. I started picking up bits and pieces songs on the radio. WLS was the rock and roll station in Chicago and I listened to it a lot. That Silvertone kept me from walking into Lake Michigan a few times.

That same summer, it seemed like most of kids in my class from grade school were going to St Francis De Sales high school. A few had even been smart enough to go to Mendel Preparatory School. I begged and pleaded with my mom to go to St Francis. She said “No, I’m not wasting my money sending you there because you’re not smart enough. You are going to CVS (Chicago Vocational High School) to learn a trade so you don’t starve to death and you won’t live with me forever”

CVS was the largest high school in Chicago. In 1963, the student population was about 2500. It was a vocational high school that taught the fundamentals of several different trades like metal work, wood working, drafting, auto repair, etc. You had to participate in Physical Education at CVS which meant that every week you had to go to the pool. I dreaded that most of all because my entire PE class (about 100 boys) went swimming and it was school policy that no suits were to be worn in the pool. I learned to cut that class early and often. It was also my first experience being around black people. I learned they were just as lost as I was, just as lonely, just as frightened and had just as many questions as I did. They were not the three headed monsters my family had told me they were. We were all just kids trying to find our way…

I hated CVS, I just felt like I was lost in a sea of students and that no one cared. Most of my teachers said I had no business being there, that it was a waste of their time.

So I started to cut class. Instead of getting lost at CVS, I started taking the bus to the L platform on the south side and using my school bus pass I rode the train all day long. From 63rd street all the way to the end of the line on the north side. I found a way to get back on the southbound train without paying so that is what I did 5 days a week, back and forth instead of going to school. I would get home at the regular time and no one ever asked me how school was so this went on for a couple months.

One day, two men knocked on the door and asked for my mother. They asked if I was her son. They went on to tell her that I hadn’t been to school in months and that she was in trouble because of my attendance issues. I knew I was in trouble because my mother was home when I got there. Normally, she would have been at work. She told me that the truant officers had been there to speak with her about me cutting class and not going to school. She said we had to go to CVS to meet with the vice principal to determine my fate.

The following day, we met with the Vice Principal of CVS. My mother started the conversation by saying that I had always been a screwed up kid and she had long since given up hope that I would ever amount to anything. The vice principal added that he knew absolutely nothing about me because I had been in school so few times but he was of the opinion that I was “totally Incorrigible” and “beyond rehabilitation”. My mother agreed completely saying she was totally at a loss at to where to go from here. The vice principal said that she only had two choices, to put me in the juvenile center until I was sixteen of to send me to a disciplinary high school. She said that since I hated going to school so much that I should be made to go to the disciplinary high school from now on.

In Chicago, there is only one disciplinary high school.

It was located at 13th and Ashland avenue.

Moses Montefiore High School

My mother laughed when she heard and said “well, you should have a lot of fun there”. The vice principal reached into his desk and handed me two things. A bus token and a nickel. He said ” Use the bus token to pay your fare and use the nickel to get a transfer. You will have to take 3 buses to get to school and get home. Here is a list of the buses you need to take. When you report to school on Monday do not take any valuables, do not take a lunch, do not take any money, do not wear a watch, rings, jewelry or crosses, do not wear any expensive clothing or jackets. At the end of the day, your teacher will give you 2 bus tokens and 2 nickels to get you home and to school the next day. Do NOT lose these or give them way. If you miss one day of school, a warrant will be issued for your arrest and you will be remanded to the Cook County Juvenile Corrections Center until you are 16 years of age. This is your last chance.”

As we left the vice principal’s office, I was thinking how hard could this be?

1. The Journey Begins

Thank you for choosing to be here…my goal is to try to help you see through my eyes what my journey has been and where it has taken me so far. My Hope is that while you may not agree with my life choices or how I have arrived at this point in my life that you keep an open mind and heart because there’s a real possibility that someone you know and love may be going through the same struggle…and it’s those people that need your love the most.

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Chicago, Illinois, 1952,  summer in the city. The Second World War is history and the US is high on being one of the victors. On the far south side, in a walk-up apartment building that looks like 100 others on the street, there’s a knock on the door, My mother, a tall, slender woman answers the door to find the family next door standing there. As she opens the door, the lady of the house next door begins to speak…”Mrs. Mallo, we don’t want your son playing with our children anymore. There’s something very wrong with him. He doesn’t like playing with our boys. He only likes playing with our girls. He doesn’t like to play with guns and tanks and rifles and boy toys. He likes playing with our daughters and their dolls.We think that he is sick in the head and we don’t want him playing with our children anymore. There is something very wrong with him and if he comes on our property or near our children again we will call the police. Do I make myself clear?” My mother was shocked and embarrassed and said “of course, I’ll keep my son away for your property and your kids but I don’t understand…”